Bit of a chill in the air, and the libraries closed, so decamped to one of the indoor public spaces filled with Runyonesque characters and specimens of barely discernible humanity (by any of the usual four senses). When the libraries close, I always borrow a vade mecum in case the electronica goes out, so I'm not without text -- Brentano. Very illuminating as to what launched Husserl, et al.
After a bit of a warming tomorrow, it looks like a long slog through a week of near zero Fahrenheit. The betting book of the threadbare leprechauns pacing the ceiling gives me decent odds of survival if I batten down a bit and increase the caffeine. Bring on the faciem frigorum.
I have been thinking uneasily about the big picture recently. The three careers that seem to have been blocked by very corrupt folks, the notion of family essentially vanished in a cloud for which a venerable confidential government agency bears more than a bit of the blame. There are reasons for my radical monastic detachment -- in short, I will achieve that, or I won't make it. So, I will achieve that.
The plan is to somehow get enough work together to either return to the itinerant Balkan life of the last two years, or find an anodyne humble quarters in the upper Midwest. In short, not grasping for the world-apparent brass ring on these shores anymore -- not going to LA to find work as an actor, or trying to find a stable place in this city to live and write.
A first tier law degree with many doctrinal courses and strong grades, more than a decade as a professional actor in NYC with a strong conservatory degree, and many years of academic work, both on a research doctorate and otherwise. All for nil. But to know that you have nil is to have something, so I will take this nil and make something out of it. After focused work in a decent research library for the last couple of months, I have the basic groundwork for a very worthwhile monograph that I'm capable of writing. And if people read it, it might help to explain a few things about our world.
So -- survive the present cold, somehow find sufficient work, and get back to Bosnia, Romania, Serbia, Montenegro, Macedonia, Bulgaria, Hungary, Minnesota, North Dakota or Minnesota.
I have set my course, and found the corresponding bearing in the stars. If I make it, this might prove worthwhile.